The tech dudes were at it again across the table. Offers, offers galore. Join this here crazy house, we do everything like they do in the movies. Isn’t that what you want? Is that what makes us cool. Is it? And here I stand in front of a closed door wondering why I chose to forget what I knew all too well. I am too long out of this game to remember the fundamentals. Am I?
Delighted for the lad, he tries so hard. Can’t hold it against him. Ah to be sure it is a great thing. To be sure.
And then the fridges came out and the leader of the free world was purchasing everything he could get his hands on. Because ultimately all you need is the clothes on your back and a good ol computer screen. Google helps.
Frustration one day will lead to indifference the next. You can’t let your head get out of that utter uncertainty. The best stuff is found on the very edge between reason and reckless abandonment.
I watched a show about Da Vinci’s mind. He was portrayed as a babbling nutter.. the good kind. The one that means good but can’t help flay his arms and hands around like a conductor with 3 orchestras… Why should it be that way. It makes for a good stage show, some eye candy to keep you interested (it was only in 2D – good lord!).
I think it was all in his head… itching to come out. Going over it all minute after minute – until the end of his world. He didn’t need to waste the energy with rest of his body. Just watch and learn.
Today I watched an old lady with a foreign pair.. North African. She was helping them somehow but seemed to be making more of a fuss than she needed. I watched a young guy with too much responsibility fail utterly at being helpful to my father.
I saw a pair of girls on the tram gossip and scheme… neither looked happy – both were uncomfortable in their place. Another pair got caught for evasion of the fare. Details were taken.
The other day, standing outside of Tower records I saw a pair of men carry crates of beverages to club entrance next door. The lazy mans load – each of them were carrying far more than they ought to. The door was closed of course… so the act of placing the towering piles was entertaining to watch. The second man, who had come from a different vehicle to the same spot had chosen to carry his load under one arm and above the other. It resulted in a peculiar dismount – one knee on the ground the other supporting his tiring arm beneath the wobbling pile. I wanted to take a snap shot and draw it right away. I thought it was such a unique pose that would appear in a Manga folio or book of interesting poses. I made sure to remember it till now.
I forgot a dream I had last night that I was delighted to remember in the first place. I keep thinking planes… or boats… Boats, I think that is what it was… going somewhere… the sea was definitely involved. Very interesting though as I had made a note of it to myself.
The dream I refer to where I am offered a position in a tech start up.. it all means something.
Why did I decide to make this entry more lucid? Am I starting to want to use this journal as more than just a brain fart? The last time that happened I filled it up with music reviews. Why did I do that? I guess I wanted to make that other website. And I did.. then I moved them. Then I deleted these.
Hit the gallery. Look at the effort and try to motivate yourself to do the same. You will not achieve anything by using the tools of others. Create your own means and the product will be so much more valuable. Create your own tools and the world will take notice.
I want to create a platform where I can compile all of this in a public and private way. A Document for the world to use now and in the future. Something that we contribute to without trying. Something that allows us to quantify our footprint online. Allows us to filter our own presence. Present certain types of content to those that we want to see it.
I struggled to motivate myself to write these lines the other night. I wanted the time to do it.
I am afraid I wont be motivated when I return to the working world. Why is it that a creative job stifles my creativity. I am torn by fear of under achieving and thus resulting in a total stagnation of new content. The exact same content that got me the job in the first place.
I am determined to increase my wage but I have no need of it. I want it. I do not need it. What I need is the time to draw what I see around me. Look at the amazing things that are provided to my eyes by life in this city, country, world. Listen to the endless sounds and music that surround me on a daily basis.
Sometimes I walk home and I can’t remember the feeling of standing in front of a painting you love, but did not expect to see. I forget the breathless moments. The awe as you crane your neck around the brushstrokes as if they were an inch from your face.
Nighthawks. Ornans. About to write a letter.
That brings me full circle.. I am going to sit right down and write myself a letter.